Off and Running

Oh the books I've read...

2010-06-20T21:18:00.002-06:00

In Peace Corps that is. The following is my list of all the books that I read in Peace Corps. Some I loved, some I hated. Here goes in order from the first book read to the last....

1. Redeeming Love
2. Dante's Inferno
3. Tao Te Ching
4. The Posionwood Bible
5. The Alchemist
6. Running with Scissors
7. Bluebeard's Egg
8. Water for Elephants
9. Eat, Pray, Love
10. Shalimar the Clown
11. Wilderness Reader
12. Million Little Pieces
13. Congo
14. Kingdom of Fear
15. Sailing Alone Around the Room
16. She's Come Undone
17. Lolita
18. The Outsiders
19. In Her Shoes
20. Sphere

21. Eleven Minutes
22. A Thousand Splendid Suns
23. Memoirs of a Geisha
24. The Nanny Diaries
25. The Last Juror
26. Kite Strings on the Southern Cross
27. Berdolf Blondes
28. Reading Lolita in Tehran
29. Lay Down with Lions
30. Getting Over it

31. Sick Puppy
32. Me Talk Pretty One Day
33. Can You Keep a Secret?
34. Girls of Riyah
35. The Other Boyln Girl
36. Four to Score
37. Truth Seeker
38. The Noble Fugitive
39. Body Surfing
40. One Flew oVer the Cucoo's Nest

41. Their Eyes were Watching God
42. Chances
43. The Life of Pi
44. Seeking Fame
45. Hard Eight
46. Twilight
47. To the Nines
48. Ten Big Ones
49. Two for the Dough
50. Midwives

51. Outlander
52. One Fifth Avenue
53. Salem Falls
54. Year of Wonders
55. The Lady in the Tower
56. Unbridled Dreams
57. Little Earthquakes
58. The Copper Scroll
59. CSI: Binding Ties
60. Third Degree

61. 4th of July
62. Sex and the City
63. Dune
64. The 5th Horseman
65. The Pillars of the Earth
66. 2nd Chance
67. The Simple Truth
68. One for the Money
69. The Blindman of Seville
70. The Second Summer of the Sisterhood

71. Animal, Vegetable, Mineral
72. Angels and Demons
73. Prey
74. Loving Frank
75. The Mermaid Chair
76. Shooter
77. This Present Darkness
78. Night Journals
79. The Monsters of Templeton
80. Sex, Murder, Frapacino

81. Catching Genuis
82. The Teeth of the Tiger
83. Naked
84. Journey
85. Devil in the White City
86. Cuba
87. Bound South
88. The Great Influenza
89. Trojan Odessey
90. The Memory Keeper's Daughter

91. Persepolis
92. My Horizontal Life
93. The Glass Castle
94. The Legacy of Luna
95. The Lost World
96. Atonement
97. Jemima J.
98. Beyond Innocence: Autobiography of Jane Goodall
99. The Man in the High Castle
100. Veil of Roses

101. The Power of One
102. Sleeping with Schubert
103. Orchid Fever
104. The Last Lovely City
105. The Professor and the Mad Man: Making the Oxford English Dictionary
106. Picture Perfect
107. Nineteen Minutes
108. Under the Banner of Heaven
109. The World Below
110. The Female Brain

111. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
112. Tomboy Bride

Books half-read and never completed:

1. Anna Karina
2. Atlas Shrugged
3. The Great War

¿Mä tä dre noine?

2009-09-29T17:24:00.003-06:00

I´ve been getting that question alot from people in my site and from all of you out there in the United States of America. It´s Ngabare for "What are you doing?!"

And since it´s been a good 6 months incommunicado I thought I should at least write a short bit, bare my soul and all that.

1. Building a library. We have a room in the school with old desks, National Geographic maps that I laminated, and 3 boxes of books. Since we had zero books before and no room I think it´s a big improvement. The equivalent of the PTA and the principle have been really awesome helping me out with it. Along with BESO and WorldCare for the book donations. (Have to give a shout out somewhere!)

2. Building those idealic cabañas on the beach. Yeah. We do those.

3. Teaching lots and lots of English. If you want to practice "I am pretty" with my people, come on out.

4. Giving health talks on AIDs, HIV, STDs, and personal hygiene. Here on the penisula we have an alarming rate os AIDs, HIV, and STDs. Before Peace Corps, I always thought they just existed in Africa. Living here has opened my eyes.

5. Drinking ice cold Coca-Colas from a glass bottle.

6. And pretty much anything else. From study hall teacher, tourism consultant, librarian, health worker, and the occasional hairdresser I tend to do it all.

Love you all. Thanks for still reading. Someday I will post pictures. I promise. I just have to get around to it.

J

The Piojos that bind us

2009-05-12T17:51:00.002-06:00

The other day my head was itching. Assuming it was just dry scalp, I bought some head and shoulders and stopped washing it everyday. However, the itching didnt get better, it only got worse, and worse and worse.

Knowing that there are kids with piojos (lice) in my community, I asked my fellow PC Volunteer, Joanna, to check my head out. She looked, and said, Nope, youre good. You dont have lice. (But then again since we really dont get lice in the US, we really dont know what it looks like either)

So the next day I had my host sister, Mona, look through my hair. When she parted my hair she said, Xuacala! Su cabeza es llena de piojos!! (Shoot, your head is full of lice).

What happened next showed my how much the women in the community care for me. Me being the single, white, female...without a man, and without babies, Im odd in my community to say the least.

Two woman sat me down and searched, and combed and scratched and turned my head raw from all the work. Then my host sister washed my hair twice, scrubbed it even more raw, and combed it over and over and over agian.

Throughout the whole week, anywhere I stopped the women would look through my head over and over again.

Now it might sound gross. Because it kinda is. But when it happened, I saw how much they care and how much I am a part of the community.

My counterpart said it best, he said, Chame, youre no longer a gringa, youre an indian, just like the rest of us.

Me Vale Todo

2009-04-03T11:36:00.002-06:00

So it's been one year since I've been gone. Almost. I've gotten used to odd things, wierd things. Getting used to life without electricity, cars, cell phone service, and speaking a couple of different languages. I guess I'm constantly adjusting.

Case in point:

The other day, Melchiades peed in my foot wash bucket. (We place a bucket with water outside of each house so that people clean their feet before entering.) So I just laughed and had him throw out the water and refill it. Odd right?

Arriving to Bocas del Toro in a dug out canoe with a 15 horse power motor. It took me 4 and a half hours. The guys ended up catching a fish.

My community believes in Chino Rojos, Red Chinese that prowl the shores of my penisula looking for people that they can kidnap and then steal their organs. Everytime they mention it, I nod seriously while thinking "Really?!!?!?!?"

Trying to explain to a child who just lost his tooth how the toothfairy works. I think I ended up telling him that witches in the night come in, steal his teeth, and if you are good they give you money.

Going to bed at 7:30 mainly because the sandflies are eating you alive. And the safest place to retreat is your mosquito net over your bed.

Explaining the history of Lacoste to the apostolic pastor in a vain attempt to liven up the general conversations I normally have. I ended up telling him the history of the polo shirt, and he just stared at me open mouthed.

Telling a little girl that she is smart enough that if she studied hard, she could be a teacher. Her face lit up.

I finally got a funnel and a tube going out of my bathroom....hey, I'm not peeing in tin can anymore!

Kids looking at me surprised when they find out that I do know how to cook pixbae. And then being more surprised how it is somehow better than their moms.

Watching the movie Black Hawk Down for a month straight in the health center. We didn't have any other movies to watch.

Buying cold oranges that were refrigerated with the healh center's refrigerator. I'm pretty sure it's only for vaccinations, and oranges???

Getting into a boat without flashing everyone.

Talking to my closest volunteer through notes. Like the ones that you used to pass in class. Only she lives a 40 minute hike away.

Sitting in your hammock during a earthquake, not doing anything cause you think the neighbor kid is just jumping on your porch.

Reading over 45 books. Woo-hoo for literacy.

Seeing first hand the effects of malnutrition.

Realizing that not everything is sustainable.

Getting to walk up to tourists on my beach, welcome them, ask them where they are from, etc. And when they ask me, I say, "I live here". I love their reaction to when they find out a gringa lives in paradise.

Knowing that my clothes are clean (As I just washed them) and knowing that they still smell like jungle funk.

Getting that two year tan/burn/tan/burn

Never wearing a bikini, much less swimsuit on a beach.

How to surf with a wooden board. Like the kinds that we used to build my house.

That I really do love teaching children, I miss rock and roll music, and I can dance a mean jiguie.

And that's about it.
Holla at your girl,
Jamie

Peace Corps Panama Packing List

2009-02-28T10:21:00.003-07:00

Here is a list of the essentials of what you need to pack:
+ Headlamp. You will use it all the time
+ Tampons. They are expensive here.
+ Make-up. You will use it. They dress up here, it´s not like you permanently live in the jungle. And it´s more expensive over here.
+ Chacos. Bring a pair or two. I live in them.
+ Longchamp purse. It´s made out of a canvas/nlyon/waterproof material. It´s functional, easily cleaned, and fashionable.
+ A sleepsack. Mine´s silk and packs up really small.
+ Sleeping pad. (Unless you go to a ye-ye sight, you will use it alot).
+ Victoria´s Secret Underwear. The underwear is really cheap here.
+ A pair of sheets. (Do you really want to sleep on polyester sheets??)
+ Sunglasses.
+ I-pod
+ Crappy lap-top.
+ I brought a bunch of cds and dvds (I still use them to update my ipod.)
+ A pair of flip-flops, and a pair of wedges. (Don´t bring hiking boots, you don´t use them. I brought a pair of running shoes and they are just molding under my bed.)
+ A pillow. (I love my pillow)
+ Airplane blanket. It does get cold here sometimes.
+ A water-proof, crush-proof camera. Go with Olympus.
+ A thumb drive.
+ Swimsuit. A must.
+ Swim goggles. ...but only if you swim alot.
+ Backpack. I have a Dueter. And I love it.
+ Jewlery. Bring the cheap stuff. Leave the good stuff at home.

+ A couple of pairs of cute clothes, and then just clothes you don´t care about. You will wear your crappy clothes in site, but in the city, you should dress up.
+ I bought a mountain hardware skirt. I practically live out of it. Buy one.
+ Tank tops from Wal-mart. Like 5. You´ll be good.
+ 2 Polos.
+ 5 Skirts.
+ 2 Jeans. (One for when you are skinny and one for when you get fat)
+ 3 pairs of Shorts.
+ One dress. (You will wear it to swear in and that´s it)
+ 3 Long sleeve shirts. I live on the beach and it does get cold.
+ 1 Northface jacket.
+ 1 Umbrella. (Rain jackets are ugly and bulky).
+ 5 T-shirts.
+ 2 pairs of running shorts.

That´s it. Don´t pack a ton of clothes. You will regret it. Mainly cause you will have to haul it all around. In Panama you can buy alot of stuff, so don´t worry. Unless you are a larger person, most clothes will fit you. If you have questions, holla.

True Story of the Ngobe Description Variety

2009-02-28T10:10:00.002-07:00

The other day I was at the phone trying to call a friend and make plans for surfing for the millionth time when the phone rang. I answered it and the conversation went something like this....
Jamie: Alo?
Random person: Alo, blah blah blah, spanish, spanish, spanish, want to speak to spanish, the daughter of Adino.
Jamie: Great, wait a minute.

So I put the phone done and go to the nearest house to find out who is Adino and where they live to give the message.

Jamie: There is a call for Adino´s daughter. Where do they live?
Ngobe: Por alla (translation, over there)
Jamie: Where?
Ngobe: Por alla! (followed by a lip point in some random direction)
Jamie: Sorry that doesn´t help. Which por alla?
Ngobe: Pues, por alla, arriba. (translation,¨well over there, up there¨
Jamie: Thanks (for nothing)

So I walk and search for someone else who is more descriptive.
Jamie: Where does Adino live?
Ngobe: Por alla.
Jamie: Can you be more specific.
Ngobe: Por alla. (lip point) alla, alla. (more lip pointing).

Frusterated I ask the person next to them.
Jamie: SO what house?
Ngobe: Por alla, the big house.

Glancing at the houses, none of them look very big.

Jamie: Which big house.
Ngobe: The one with the cross.

Ah finally the answer I have been searching for. Thank you for being soooo descriptive.

Want another example?
This one also happened when I was by the phone.
Ngobe: Jamie, who was that gringa that was here that day?
Jamie: Which day?
Ngobe: You know, that day.
Jamie: Um... what did she look like?
Ngobe: She was a gringa.
Jamie: Ok, was she tall?
Ngobe: No
Jamie: What was her hair like?
Ngobe: Her hair is like yours.

Realizing this isn´t going anywhere because none of my girlfriends visiting me have my type of hair, I end up guessing names. And finally I picked the right one. (The gringa they were talking about has dark chocolate brown hair down to her waist. Last time I checked my hair is blond, shoulder length and curly).

Yay for descriptions

Somewhere in between

2009-02-17T09:57:00.002-07:00

Lately I´ve been feeling like Alice in Wonderland who fell down the rabbit hole. One minute I´m eating boiled bananas, chatting in ngobe/spanish with my host mom about my host father´s latest dalience and the next minute my world is transformed into a world of professional surfing and yachts.

Now I really didn´t sign up for Peace Corps for this. No latrines, ameoba ridden water, mud up to my knees...well yeah. I mean it is Peace Corps right? But I didn´t expect the yachts and surfers.

On Valentines day I get a call from some friends who were in the area and suggested that I stop by and see them. ...They just happen to live on a 35ft wide yacht. They are soem of the nicest people I know adn have been more than generous with their cheese platters and sound tourism advice.

On my way to visit my friends in the bay I stop in Nidori and see about 8 surfers and a bunch of of film equipment. Apparently they were making a new surf video. Along with them was some guys from Surf magazine souting the spot for a feature. I guess we are lucky after all.

Holla at your girl

2008-12-03T13:55:00.003-07:00

My dad once said that if you never write it down you will forget the experience. So here goes. I got evacuated out of my site due to an earthquake, a hurracane, landslides and flooding. On Monday night a couple of weeks ago Panama and Costa Rica was hit with an earthquake. To be honest, I slept through it and thought my Ngobes were playing a practical joke on me. (Which they love to do). The earthquake made some ground settle...ya, ya, ya. And then the tail end of a hurracane hit. Normally where I live we get 4 days of crappy weather and then it clears up. But after 2 weeks of torential downpoar it tends to effect the land and the ocean. We got up to 10 feet waves and no one could leave the island. To make it even harder the port town where we get our supplies was hit with flooding and collapsed bridges. And to make it even more extreme, the road from the city to the port town was hit with landslides and almost 50 kilometers of road was wiped out.

ANd I do what I normally do in stressful situations, I cook and eat. And it's probably a good thing that I like to cook cause I was stuck in a house with Joanna (my partner in crime), Judy (another partner in crime), a stranded tourist and guide. We rotated cooking shifts and I had some of my latino professors cook. I know, latino men normally don't cook, but my friend JC can COOK.

My friends and I ended up buying a live rooster for a thanksgiving bird. But my cocinero peaced out on the earliest boat (and I have no idea how to kill a rooster, let alone the courage). So for turkey day, we celebrated vegetarian style with mashed potatoes, carrots, gravey, rolls and cookie pie.

Um eventually we all went a little crazy and slightly cracked. We ended up getting off the island through a police boat. (3 girls, 10 police men with machine guns, one messed up ocean and 200 hp boat = good times) arrived on Bocas Island and flew out to Panama City.

I know random and there are more stories to come.

Like a Cuban Refugee

2008-11-11T10:13:00.002-07:00

Today as I was taking the boat into civilization I had alot of time to think and ponder about my life. Normally I fall asleep on the boat with the waves lulling me to sleep. However this morning it was raining. I can´t sleep when it rains. So huddled and miserably wet on a boat at 6 in the morning like a Cuban refugee I thought about the following things.

I´ve had a cold for the past couple of days and thus sneeze alot. The first time someone sneezes here in Panama, everyone says Salud (Health). The next time dinero (money). And the last one is amor (love).

Salud:
A couple of weeks ago I walked into an edge of a bed frame and banged it really hard. I thought it was a deep bruise but after being sore for 2.5 weeks I checked it out with the doctor. The sweet MRI machine showed that I have partially tore my ACL, my MCL and my meniscus. So I´m heading to Panama City to determine if I need surgery or some type of voodoo magic.

Dinero:
Same day I found out about my knee I left my wallet on a counter at an internet cafe. I remembered it immediately but when I returned it was gone. Some nice guy returned my wallet with all my id´s in it, but none of my money. Since this is the second time it´s happended to me, I´m more pissed off at myself for letting my guard down.

Amor:
You didn´t think I would tell everything did you?

On a side note I saw an iguana cross the road today. I think that´s a sign of good luck. Or at least I´ll take it as one.

Not your tipico baile

2008-11-06T08:59:00.002-07:00

I went to a baile a couple of weeks ago and was pretty surprised. I´ve been to bailes (dances) before in Panama so I thought I knew what to expect and was pretty much a champion at all things baile.

Maybe that´s true for the rest of Panama, but not in the Peninsula. So here are the rules for the baile in my site:

1. They start at 10 or 11, depending on how many more generators we have to scrounge up. Yeah, generators.

2. The guy dancing with you has a bottle of seco in his pants. Or it could be two, you never really know.

3. Fights are normal. They are only really serious when they take off their shirts. The other fights are just playing.

4. The dance will last till 7am. At least that´s when the accordian player stops.

5. It will be fun, with friends, and lots of guys for protection. Just leave early.

Ok, that´s it, I´m out.

Write me folks, send letters and packages. My addy is on the side of my blog. I´ll try to post some photos and surf footage next time. Love ya!

9.01.08

2008-09-27T19:43:00.001-06:00

My best friend here is a 5 year old named Aristedes. He thinks that when we die and go to heaven, we´ll eat fruit all the time. I like that philosophy. Plus he hiked with me all the way to Nidori because he didn´t want me walking alone.

¨8.28.08

2008-09-27T19:40:00.002-06:00

A woman in my site died from AIDs yesterday. Her funeral was today. And so for two days everyone has been quiet, still, in mourning. Since probably half the town is related to her, everyone is impacted. Her husband died a year ago in a car accident and she was left to raise her 3 children. She was 23. Now the children are orphans, left to be raised by their grandmother. You hear of AIDs, you hear of SIDs, but I never thought I would see the ramifications, especially in Panama.

8.10.08

2008-09-27T19:35:00.002-06:00

¨Here I am, between my flock and my treasure, the boy thought. He had to choose between something he had become accustomed to and something he wanted to have.¨* The Alchemist.

Between the normal things we are used to and our desire for something else that will bring change.

My life before Peace Corps signified in one sentance, choosing between the comfortable and the extraordinary life. We choose the comfortable thinking it´s easier because that´s all we know and shy asay from the extraordinary because it´s different, unknown and therefore we believe harder. Each way of life is hard, but our mind tricks us into believing a complacent life is far easier than one necesiting change.

¨When each day is the same as the next, it´s because people fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives every day the sun rises¨.

Food for thought 7.21.08

2008-09-27T19:27:00.002-06:00

Tortugua.

The words bounced from house to house until finally reaching my hut. Once the word is whispered and passed my family says ¨bru, vamos Chamie a la playa¨ and dutifully I follow. It´s one of those instances where I feel like I should really be excited for someone- like when your best friend told you that she is marrying a moron- and you just fail to feel that same excitement. And so, caught up somewhere between excitement and sadness, you feel nothing. I´m excited that for a week my family will have food to eat, and that I won´t hear them complain about buchu simple. But on the other hand I know this is the 3rd turtle in 3 weeks and the species is slowly dying away. And so, I do what I normally do in akward situations- I joke. It´s either that or be angry at them for following ancient traditions handed down by their forefathers. In the end it boils down to food being food and for one night not hearing a cry of a child´s hunger.

On a more serious note, the teacher gave me the key to the latrine. Now I don´t have to worry aboiut it being open or not. One problem solved and relief definately follows. Now if I could only solve the turtle issue....

She 7.11.08

2008-09-27T19:18:00.002-06:00

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of Cloudless climes and starry skies,
and all that´s best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes.
*Byron

But strength alone, though of the Muses born,
Is like a fallen angel, trees uptorn,
Darkness, and worm, and shrouds, and sepulchers
Delight it, for it feeds upon the burrs
And thorns of life, forgetting the great end
Of poesy, that it should be a friend
To soothe the cares, and lift the thoughts
Of man.
* Keats

Finally a short time of contemplative silence before it is broken yet again by the quick rapid fire words of an angry Nogbe mama or by the cries of a baby....or the continual questions of what I am or will be doing. I used to take solitude time so much for granted. IF I wanted to get away, all I had to do was head to the closest coffee shop where I could get absorbed for hours in a book or even more so with my thoughts. I find that if I do get up by at least 6 when the air is still cool and slip into my running clothe, I can walk sliently by the sea as much mesmerized by the sand as the stunning view. Those hours I cherish. I am not followed by children who demand money or an English lesson. The bright sun doesn´t bother me yet, but the chitre like always do. And there wandering lost on the beach, I begin to find my self again. Find myself against daily frustrations of language and culture. Finding myself when most things I find that hve defined me are lost in translation across an ocean and most known civilization. The time I have isn´t always amazing, but it is mine alone to wonder and cherish. If you took all your bearings away from you, your house, your car, your clothes, your job, your language, your sports, well what would define you?

It´s all and then it´s nothing

2008-08-26T16:25:00.003-06:00

Wow. I´ve been out of civilization for a while and coming back into the world of electronics, lights, internet can be a little overwhelming sometimes. To be honest, I´ve been putting off checking the email and posting random blogs. Overwhelming because it reminds me a different life I had in a country about a million miles and a century of technology away.

My life is different. Not bad different, not good different (Though at times it can be both), but just different, different.

I´m struggling to learn two languages at once and feeling like I´m failing miserably. Yeah I can get by in my site on my Spanish. But, once I hop off my lancha, the people speak faster and I end up feeling that the language will never come and that I will always walk around with a puzzled look on my face. Always listening, trying to catch that one phrase or word I know, and yet somehow not comprehending.

I´m trying to live up to being a Ngobe mari (woman). But my skills fall obviously short. Like coconut peeling machete skills, fish scaling with a machete skills, splitting wood with a machete skills....okay, really it´s my machete skills. As in I don´t have any at all. Yeah, it might help if I actually had a machete and practiced with it, but I don´t. Maybe that´s something I should start with first.

First machetes, then a culture.
Poco a poco
I´ll get there eventually
Some days I just want
to stay inside
Hide in my haven
Of yellow net security.
Listening to familiar
but yet vaguely distant music.
And escaping through
another book of tales
that for a little time
trick me into beliving
that
I am somewhere else.
But on the days
that I do emerge
I am constantly surprised
by the questions
by the food
by the culture
and slowly, slowly
by the hints of friendship
that are being created.
One day I will
be that super Peace Corps Volunteer
not this day,
not the day after
but some day
Two years are waiting.
Waiting to discover all this
and more.

Hasta,
Jamie

Alkaselzter and Lemons

2008-07-10T14:32:00.002-06:00

I fell in sewage the other day. See I had to go to the bathroom and there are two options for me in my town. One latrine which is over a stream and you have to walk through a swampy pasture. The other option being the latrines at the school which is just a walk down the beach, but that latrine is not always an option because sometimes they lock it. Going with the for sure open latrine I head toward the stream. Taking the shortcut, I walk through people´s backyards until I come to a quebrada. Which is really a stream where all the sewage goes. It´s larger than it was last time, but since by now nature was really calling, I decided to take the plunge. And my foot went slopping into the sewage about up to my knee. Around this time, I loose my chaco so I stick my arm into the sewage as well looking for the chaco. (Cause, those things are my pride and joy). Looking for the next place to place my other foot, I just plunge it into more mud. And again, lost my other chaco. By this time, I´m pissed, I have to go to the bathroom and I´m covered in raw sewage. So frusterated I head home. My home is on the main path so everyone saw my walk of shame. And laughed.

They do like to laugh. And so I laughed to and tried to give the kids hugs.

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

Ya.

2008-06-15T18:42:00.002-06:00

First of all, it takes too long to post fotos. And since I don´t want to be sitting in front of a computer all day, I´ve decided to borrow other peoples fotos. So for some cool shots, go to http://picasaweb.google.com/mstauthamer/May2008

In other news,
I just visited my site. It´s beautiful. I like to call it Macau. Situated on a random island in Bocas, it´s perfect for surfing. Imagine walking down snow white beaches, seeing a perfect wave break and having idealic huts in the background.

And then if you zoom in your camera just a bit, you might see a gringa that the people there call Chamie. She´s content smiling, eating a steaming bowl of bananas and coconut rice.

Of course it´s not complete paradise. The community of 150 has 1 latrine. It´s situated over a tiny river. It actually has 4 latrines if you include the ones located at the school, but they get locked on the weekend. The site lacks electricity. So there´s no cold beer waiting for you after a long day of surfing. And cows wander and poop on the beach so you have to watch your steps and dodge the pies.

But the people are happy here. They do want to work. They want to learn English because they realize that learning it will increase their job opprotunities. And so for the time being I will be the maestra de ingles in the school. I am teaching the English classes in the school everyday, and classes for adults in the community Monday and Friday for 2 hours each.

Right now the community wants me to help them fix the aqueduct and build the latrines. I´m definatley more than happy to help build the latrine. As for the aqueduct, I´m completely clueless. I´ve never taken a engineering class in my life. But I do know that larger pipes will decrease water pressure, not increase it (like the aqueduct committee thinks).

But it´s peaceful here. I know my neighbors already and I have hours to talk and learn from them each day.

But in the meantime.... Please send me email. I know it sounds like a desperate request, but I only come into town every once in a while and it can be a little disheartening to realize that no one emails. It´s: jamie_konecny@hotmail.com

Peace.

Poverty

2008-06-02T16:22:00.000-06:00

These past two weeks helped me question and reaffirm why I’m in Panama. I saw poverty for the first time. When you’re not expecting it, it can definitely punch you in the face. Maybe it’s because I thought that Panama City was a reflective of the whole country. (I guess that’s saying Manhattan represents the whole US). And when you realize that there is such a desparity, it really makes you think.

I don’t need to describe the community much, there were latrines, and running water, but the community was either at or below the poverty line.

I still have a hard time of understanding how some people could be so poor and yet so happy. I suppose it throws the whole money=happiness right out the window And the thought that me helping them “improve” their lives would somehow decrease their happiness has definitely crossed my mind more than once…

They are so poor and I want to help. I want to help teach them what I have learned and I know I’ll be learning a lot in the process. I guess it boils down to that: I have learned so much, so how could I not help others with the knowledge I have??

2008-05-25T10:13:00.001-06:00

Panama....the experience

2008-05-17T20:14:00.000-06:00

Change seems to be the constant in my life right now. Maybe it’s the slow realization that I’m not in Colorado anymore. And the realization that I’m now that awkward foreign exchange student trying to prove to others that, “Yes, I was actually pretty cool back home”. But it’s hard to express how cool you really are when you are slowly learning their language and when your clothes are not Panamanian style.

It’s definitely a lifestyle change when your host family is worried when you’re not home by nine….and usually that was the time that you left the house to go out.

Poco a poco I’m getting used to grabbing fresh fruit off a tree, riding a pimped out old school bus for public transport, cold showers, and telenovas.

I do like Panama for all of you sitting there scratching your heads and wondering. I like that I live in a really small town. I like that my host family here is so big, so close, and I’m introduced to others as their daughter. I like that I can read a Spanish newspaper and know what it is saying. I like that when I go to tech classes and during break I can go play with Pepe the monkey. And I like that my family is constantly teaching me new things. For example: today I’m killing a chicken for a party. Every day is a new experience and a chance for me to learn something new.

Even though my life is constantly changing, I’ve been struck by one other constant in my life: God. Last night while trying to fall asleep I was listening to a song and I realized how true the words were. It goes something like this:

All the things my feet thought to be firm
Are falling with urgency
Tearing back my false sense of security
Some say, “Things change, nothing stays the same”
But the sweetness in my ears
Safe in your arms
Speak the words I love to hear

You have been more faithful
Than the morning sun
You have been more faithful
Than knowing night will come
You have been more faithful
Than the changing of seasons

All the things I thought
That I used to know
Falling down again
Our disillusionment is how we grow
Some say, “Things change, nothing stays the same”
In a world of inconsistency
Everything’s the now
What causes my heart to believe?

You have been more faithful…..

It;s not official yet

2008-05-09T17:00:00.001-06:00

So I talked to my boss, Pablo the other day for a final interview for my site. It turns out (drum roll please) that I will be going to an indigenous site. I¨ll be working with two different communities to develope tourism

....for surfers.

I know. You can all be jealous now.

The only problem is, I¨ve never surfed a day in my life.

It´s not official; I¨ll find out the final say on Wenesday....

But it´s kinda cool.

Malaria Medication Dreams

2008-05-05T13:37:00.002-06:00

Last night I dreamt about ice cream. Lots and lots of ice cream.

I was in Michelle¨s ice cream shop (which is a 50¨s ice cream shop that is kinda decorated like Victoria¨s Secret) and I was looking at all the ice cream.

And I got 4 scoops of chocolate ice cream. And I remember thinking that that was alot of ice cream.

And then I woke up in 90 degree weather under a mosquito net.

Ah, Panama, I love you and your weather and lack of ice cream

A story that can only be told through Paint

2008-04-09T19:04:00.008-06:00

This would only happen to me before the start of a 2 hour bridal shower in front of thirty strangers.....

And yes, girls always talk about rainbows, gumdrops, and stickers when we get together

I'm just gonna throw this out there. If you don't like it you can just throw it right back.

2008-04-03T11:15:00.003-06:00

On Saturday I had my going away party. And not to brag but... it was probably one of the best parties I've been to in a while. We emptied the bar (woo-hoo!!!), smoked the hookah, made mallows around the chiminea. We never got around to beer pong, but I guess there is always next time.

We celebrated Earth Hour by having the party lit by LED headlamps and candles. But the best part was how many of my friends showed up. One of my friends flew up from Ohio, one came down from Fo Co, another was in town from Florida. It's good to know that you are loved and will be missed.

So now I'm just trying to get everything done. I have a feeling that I'll be "that girl" who doesn't know how to pack or just completely overpacks everything. After bumming around China in a daypack for 3 weeks, I know I can pack right. Sometimes I just don't want to.

Auggh. Sorry this is so random. I guess my mind is going a million miles a minute and I keep thinking of things I need to do and somehow am still trying to process how to say goodbye to everyone.

My dad believes in love at first sight.

2008-03-25T10:13:00.003-06:00

I found this out on my way back from Amish Iowa while munching on fresh cheese curds. It kinda took me aback. I mean, who really believes in love at first sight?? And in the "Fireworks, bells and whistles electricity" sort of way?

I guess my dad does. Because that's how he described it.

My parents have been in love for 30 years. Next week is their 30th anniversary. The thing is they're still in love with eachother, madly in love. It wasn't uncommon for me growing up to walk into the kitchen and find my parents making out. Yeah, a little gross and slightly disconcerting. But life hasn't always been easy on my parents. They've had to deal with cancer twice, my dad going partially blind, living in the Philippines, and well the list goes on. I've never heard my mom complain about my dad and I don't think I've really seen them argue in front of me. All I've ever seen is their love.

And the thing is, it's what I want to strive for. I never want to settle for second best or even third. I don't want third string junior varsity, I want the starter on varsity. In other words, I want the best. I look at alot of relationships around me and I see them settling. Scared that they'll never find their soulmate, they go with the warmest body around.

Most of the guys in the general population I find pretty boring. The do the same things, like the same things and are pretty predictable. Maybe that's why I'm drawn to the off-beat guys who do their own thing. They have stories about their adventures and I'm drawn to an adventurous guy who isn't always constrained by society's norms. I like different.

So to sum it up, I don't believe in love at first sight mainly because I've never felt that way before towards anyone.

Maybe it does exist. Or maybe, like most things, it develops slowly over time getting richer and better.

The Wall

2008-03-11T07:56:00.002-06:00

Background music: Pink Floyd's "The Wall"

Last night I sat in gravel and stared at a wall for a couple of hours.

And no, I wasn't high.

The wall is covered in rocks with multicolored bits of tape stuck next to it.
And I sat staring. Figuring out a red route, a black route, and my nemesis green.

Once you pick your color, you follow the problem through, figuring your left, right hands, where you're gonna match feet, when you should throw in a heel hook or a dyno.

You see the end goal.

Life's not like that though. In life you stare at your climbing wall looking at a bunch of various colors, you pick your route, and you have no idea where the route will end.

I think I might loathe you....

2008-03-04T08:58:00.003-07:00

at least partially.

See for a while, things were working out. I had my doubts especially since I'm leaving in a couple of weeks and I didn't think it would really work out long-distance wise.

But I said "What the hell?" and did it anyways. Throwing caution to the wind, I checked you out, learned more about you, and then decided to go for it. (Besides, you were cute)

And for a while, things were good. We went to the movies and you didn't interrupt me once. (Which was a refreshing change). We had the lunch dates, the dirty dive bar times, and when I thought it was working, I challenged you on the slopes.

You kept up. You didn't slack. You kept your promises and didn't disappoint.

Then last week, you decided that we weren't working out. You started forgetting things, things that were really, really important to me. And it wasn't just forgetting the small things, it was also dropping the ball when I needed you most.

Yes, I know people recommended you highly to me. But the sad thing is, I can't go back to the way things were. I'm kinda stuck with you for the moment, and I'm just waiting for the chance for me to move and forget you.

So this post is dedicated to you, my blackberry pearl 8100, Cause I think I might loathe you.

So it finally had to happen.

2008-02-29T11:50:00.003-07:00

I had one of those "Oh Sh*t" moments.

You know when you realize what you are about to do and you're half terrified and half so pumped to do it? Yeah.

I dropped my brother off at the airport and thought "this is the last time I'm gonna see him for two years." Which just made my mind ramble into all the other last things I'll get to do before I leave.

And then, I pretty much hyperventilated.

What if I threw a party and no one came? What if I hated it there? What if people don't remember me? What if everything is so foreign when I return?

A quick phone call to Ang that went pretty much like "Are you f-ing kidding me?!?! Snap out of it! Of course it won't be horrible"

And then I remembered that I'm also excited. Yeah, there's stuff I can't do, but there is so much other stuff that I could do there. (Like becoming an amazing surfer, using a machete, getting a sweet tan, living in a rainforest.....oh and helping people too)

So I snapped out of it and for now I'm just being. Living in the moment and enjoying it for all it's worth.

I'm leaving.

2008-02-19T09:05:00.002-07:00

In two months I'll be leaving for Panama with the Peace Corps.
And for once, I just want you to listen.
I don't want to hear about your relationship problems.
I don't want to over analyze a comment or an email.

I'm saying good-bye to life I've always known,
And saying hello to one I don't.
I'm packing up and moving on.
And for once, I just want to talk.

I want to talk about how excited
I will be,
How nervous I am,
How I am going to miss the most important
events in those lives around me.

I just want to talk about
saying good-bye
And for once I want you to just sit there
And not criticize me,
Not to judge me,
And not to tell me how to pack.

I want to talk about my feelings
(And I don't do this very much)
But for once,
Can you just listen
And let me cry
on your shoulder instead?

Update

2008-02-11T09:44:00.000-07:00

So first of all I have to say, it's hard being poor. It takes lots of planning and prep and you have to be pretty creative. Okay, I'm done whinning. Here's an update of how I spent all of my cash money:

$250 on a phone. Yes, you can start yelling at me now. But technically it was a present from Mummy & Daddy, so really I didn't spend that money at all.

$80 on skiing. It was an all day event and tons of fun. From a money standpoint, not the best thing to spend my dolla bills on, but from a physical & physcological standpoint, well worth it. Plus my brother is coming into town and I have to be better than him once I hit the slopes.

$15 going out. Pretty cheap, considering it covered 2 beers, appetizers, a cover charge, and two nights of fun.

I've only gone out to eat a couple of times and I'm learning how to make my lunch!!!! Small victory for me, but still a victory.

So yeah, still learning on how to live on half my income, but my savings account is looking amazing and I'm not starving to death.

Change.

2008-02-04T09:40:00.000-07:00

Saturday I found myself sitting in an auditorum at Colorado College looking at horrific images flashing across a screen. Tears started streaming down my face and I was so moved that I didn't even bother to brush them away.

Some friends and I went to watch "The Devil Came on Horseback" an independent film regaring the genocide in the Darfur region of Sudan. It's one thing to see fake gory violence, it's another to see an image of a child who was burned to death. I never cry when I see movies and usually never cry in general. So why was I so moved by this?

It's because it's injustice. It's wrong. When we as people are not moved by horrific images, there is something wrong with our society.

How can we see injustice and not act against it? If we fail to act, essentially we are like the German citizens of the 1930's who knew about the concentration camps and did nothing.

In the past I would hear about programs such as Displace Me or even (Red), but I never bothered to do anything about it. In fact, I criticized the programs and even the people who would participate in them citing that the programs were not sustainable, poorly run, etc. I would get on my high horse using example after example of programs that essentially hurt the people groups that the NGO's were trying to help. **most of these examples were pulled from "A Bed for the Night"

Wow. How much a view can change after traveling to a 2nd world country and coming face to face with the problems that you have been critiquing from the cushy chairs of a bohemian coffee shop.

You know, even though a program or solutions to a problem are not ideal, at least it's something. It might not be sustainable, but it works for the here and now. (And if any of you know me, you would realize that this idea flies in the face of all my financial and economic education).

So, I know the idea going through your mind is "What's Jamie going to do about it?"

I'm going to write letters to my Senators and Congressman, I'm going to become more and better informed. I'm going to write to the President.

P.s. And don't worry. I'm not going to go on the "Free Tibet" campaign....yet.

Experiment

2008-01-29T11:23:00.001-07:00

I'm gonna start something new. Maybe it'll become a fad and I'll be credited as the first person to do it. Or it won't and I'll fail spectacularly because I can't keep the momentum going.

I'm going to start living on half my income. It officially started on Monday and I'll see how long I can last. It shouldn't be too hard as I was a finance major in college and I play with money all day long. I won't eat out every meal, I'll only go to the mountains on the weekend using free lift tickets, and I won't blow a whole paycheck on a painting. (Yes, I love art. Support the arts!)

So yes. I'm now living below poverty. I guess I'll see what happens. Ideally I'm living on half my income so that when I do get accepted to the Peace Corps, I can quit my hell hole of a job and work at Starbucks.

Yep, right now that's my aspriration. To become slightly bohemian and work at a coffee shop. It doesn't make sense to stay at my job if I know I'm leaving. And besides, it would be fun. Ok, it would also be irresponsible, but that's part of the fun.

Dream Big.

Tomorrow....

2008-01-24T10:30:00.001-07:00

is January 25, 2008.

And I will be 26. Ok, I can't hyperventilate. I just can't. 26 means that I'm not in my early 20's anymore. I'm going to be in my late 20s.... Oh Crap!!!

Turning 25 was a mild heart attack. And that was only because my mom got married when she was 25 and I wasn't even dating anyone. (And for some reason that was a big deal for me to get married before I was 25) But I got over my insecurities and braved my fears of being single. And I can now honestly say that I'm happy to be adventerously single.

Yes, 25 was a good year. But it was a hard year. I learned lots of difficult lessons including:

* When do you help someone out and when do you just let them face the consequences of their actions?

* Who am I and do I really like the person that I've become? (I realized who I was, and I realized that I really didn't like the person I became, so I wised up, learned more about who I want to become and changed for the better)

* Being content in all circumstances. (Single, dating, friends, friends with benefits.... ok, scratch that last one. Friends with benefits just sucks and I don't recommend it at all)

* Which would lead me to the last huge, large lesson that was the hardest to learn. Teaching myself that I deserve better than what I settle for. That I'm worth it. Yeah cliched but so true. (Props to Doug on this one!)

So all this to say that 25 was a good year, a hard year, but one worth going through.

If I had to make a soundtrack for 25, it would include copious amounts of Bright Eyes, Derek & the Dominoes, Coldplay, Smashing Pumpkins and oddly Andrea Bocelli.

2008-01-23T09:18:00.000-07:00

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will
be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

It's a saying that's been resonating in my brain for a good month. I don't really understand it nor know what it means. But I think the first two words are key: "Be still".

I'm not still very often. Most of the time my schedule is so jam packed that I had to go out and buy a planner. Yes, a planner. Like the one we used in college.

So for now I'm trying to learn what being still would look like for me. Maybe it's just taking time at the end of the day to journal or maybe it's just taking those adventurous hikes were I end up getting lost and stalked by mountain lions.

Whatever it is, I need to do it. Just to be still and know that He is God. (Not me).

Cold Showers

2008-01-15T09:11:00.001-07:00

It's been a problem creeping around my house in the wee hours of the morning. No one knows when it's going to strike and you just hope that it's not going to be you.

So the Russian Roulette had been spun, and I was the lucky one.

First of all, nothing wakes you up quite like a cold shower. Your teeth chatter and really the only good thing that comes from it is that your hair usually looks more shiny.

I can't complain too much though. Cause on most days I do have hot running water. And I have running water 24/7 be it hot or cold.

That can't be said in alot of places of the world. Yeah, they might have running water, but not all the time. And they probably don't have heated water.

So I guess this is a post about being thankful for what I have. And for a cold shower to make me realize it all.

Best email of 2007...

2008-01-10T09:13:00.000-07:00

"Dear Jamie,

I do not even know if you remember me. My name is Stefan and we had a sublime conversation that I wanted to last for a lifetime because you were funny and witty and mischievous and beautiful inside out. I guess I should be thankful that you spent time with me on your last night in Shanghai....No matter where you are I wish you a wonderful Christmas and hope you can spend it with the ones you love and treasure the most and that Santa brings you heaps of presents no matter if you were naughty or nice naughty is so much more fun tho).
It is meeting people like you who make me smile. Thank you. Maybe I will have the pleasure to see you again. Who knows."

It's emails like this that make me smile and realize that all is right with the world.

First is the worst, Second is the best....

2008-01-04T09:34:00.000-07:00

Being the 2nd born kid, I'm used to be screwed over.

My sister gets more attention and money (albeit most of the attention she gets is negative) any my brother is the the wonderkid boy genius that could get away with murder. Me? Well, sometimes I get the short end of the stick, the shorter phone calls, less presents at Christmas, etc. (And all you 2nd born kids know exactly what I'm talking about)

But the problem that I've now come to realize is that I'm used to being 2nd, I'm used to being taken for granted. And this generally shows in my relationships with others, mostly guys.

Take the guys I've dated, for the most part I was never a priority in their life. I was just Jamie and that was it. I wasn't anyone special for them to carve anytime out of their schedule or their life. Or even take the guys I haven't dated but were interested in me. They never made any statements of how they feel about me, they never took the time to say.

And now, that's what I've come to expect from relationships. Which can pretty much be summed up into one sentence "Don't expect too much from anyone because then they will end up hurting you; so just go with the flow and let it be 'whatever'."

I know it's not a good perspective and I know it's one that needs to change, mainly because I deserve better. But the problem is, I don't know where to start.

How to you start teaching yourself that you deserve better when you feel like all that you have ever been treated is second rate?

Wish you were here

2008-01-03T10:37:00.000-07:00

As I was driving to work I glanced at the car next to me. It was packed with 5 people looking bleary eyed and yawning. I looked at their ski rack and yep, it had snowboards in it.

How nice would it be to go skiing.

Side note:

My New Year's Eve was awesome. I only say this because last year my New Year's Eve completely sucked with everyone getting mad at everyone else. They say that how you ring in the new year is indicative of how you will spend it. I had alot of fun, made a couple of new friends and just enjoyed life. That's how it should be right?

So 2008, I'm expecting a whole hell of alot.

It was just my imagination, running away with me....

2007-12-28T08:03:00.000-07:00

So my morning has gone kinda like this:

Hitting the snooze button at least five times to get some sembalance of sleep and then rushing through the shower so I was to work on time.

Using this new product on my hair that's supposed to straighten it, but it ends up giving me all these kinky crazy curls, then blow drying it to make it look better causing me to be even more late than I am. (And my hair still looks like crap)

Starting my car and slightly freaking out cause it sounds wierd. Maybe it has something to do with it being overdue by about 3,000 miles on an oil change. So I don't turn my heater on and freeze on my drive to work.

Spacing out as I'm driving, listening to Oldies and looking at the spedometer and realizing that I'm going 85 in a 55mph work zone. Oops.

Walking up three flights of stairs, turning when I see the hikers, walking down the hallway to my cubicle only to realize that my cubicle doesn't have those picture frames on there, nor does the cubicle next to me have plants. Confused, I realize that I'm in the completely wrong area of the building.

Trying to talk to co-workers and having a hard time since my tongue is swollen cause I bit the hell out of it last night eating stir-fry.

Going to the coffee machine and realizing I have to make a whole freaking pot cause they're both empty. Curtosy people, that's all I have to say.

Crappy morning right??

Then by magic it turned around. I checked my hotmail and got and email from the Peace Corps.

Lo and behold I am medically cleared!!! It only took a couple of months (which was generally slack on my side), 4 trips to the doctor's office, 1 trip to the dentist and eye doctor, and $750 in eyeglasses.

And then I got a pear from Harry & David. It doesn't get much better than this my friend.

Christmas

2007-12-26T09:59:00.000-07:00

24 baby chicks.

I think that is my most interesting Christmas present by far. In addition to the typical presents under the tree, my parents gave each of us kids 24 baby chicks.... To some family in a third world. Turns out chicks can not only feed a family, but it also gives them a micro-enterprise by selling the eggs.

Props to my parents for thinking outside the box and providing a sustainable living to those less fortunate than us. And it turns out that they're going to do it every year. How sweet is that?

I'm thinking this ranks up there with the Mountain Hardware wind & water resistant pants.

Thanks parents!

Babylon

2007-12-19T09:02:00.000-07:00

I walked through the door, announced my name and settled into a soft leather settee. Time passes as I play endless games of solitare on my ipod, never resolving, always restarting the game hoping that my luck will improve after each refreshing of the screen.

I should feel pampered and relaxed in this luxurious place. But instead I feel uncomfortable, akward and insecure. Memories of me as the geeky, scrawy, glasses with braces kid float through my mind and I uncomfortably shift yet once again in my seat. As I sit waiting for my name to be called I hear whispers and snatches of conversations whirling around me.

"Did you see what she did.... and then I said...who the hell does he think he is....that lady didn't even tip me....she is getting so fat....of course I didn't tell him.....she doesn't really like him...."

After my name was called, I sat in a chair and snips of my hair fell to the floor. The conversations continued to float around me.

And as I heard this conversations I began to feel sad and almost sick to my stomache. So often I have been the one in the conversation honestly telling others of what I think of someone. I talk about people alot more than I should. Instead of talking to that person, I talk about them.

I don't want to be that person anymore.

Babylon
By David Gray

Friday night I'm going nowhere
All the lights are changing green to red
Turning over TV stations
Situations running through my head
Well looking back through time
You know it's clear that I've been blind
I've been a fool
To ever open up my heart
To all that jealousy, that bitterness, that ridicule

Saturday I'm running wild
And all the lights are changing red to green
Moving through the crowd I'm pushing
Chemicals all rushing through my bloodstream
Only wish that you were here
You know I'm seeing it so clear
I've been afraid
To tell you how I really feel
Admit to some of those bad mistakes I've made

Flake.

2007-12-17T07:50:00.000-07:00

I don't know when it became the norm for people my age. But it seems like lately everyone around me is a flake. It's a lack of commitment from anything past 10 minutes from now.

Don't get me wrong, I mean I'm a slight commit-a-phobe. I can't buy a house (cause it's too scary) and I can't buy a dog (cause then I would have to stay at home all the time).

But really it seems like socially my friends can't commit to anything. Take Thanksgiving for example. I asked my friends for an RSVP for the party and only about 10 people said "Yes". But the kicker is that only 4 of those "Yes" people showed up AND about 7 of the "No" people showed up too. And of those remaining 6 "Yes" people, most of them never called to apologize for not showing up.... they're now relegated to my "Are you my friend?" list.

I don't get it. It's common curtasy. Yes, turkey doesn't cost alot. But it sure helps to know a head count so I can know how much turkey to buy.

And sadly, I do have to admit I was a non-commital social person. Well, until I realized how much of a jerk I was. My tactic was something along the lines of hearing all my options and holding out for the best one. If nothing better came along, then sure, yeah, I'd love to come to your party. But if there was a better option, well then I would be a jerk and either cancel at the last minute or call after the party/function/coffee date was already supposed to start.

Wow! Was I really that person? Yeah, yeah I was. And now I'm seeing that most of my friends are the same way. So, to any of my friends reading this....

1. If I make plans with you, that means I made plans. I worked my day and errands around to see you. Yes, I have other obligations, parties and people to see, but I took that into account before making my plans.
2. If I can't make it, it's probably because I'm either sick or grouchy. And you wouldn't want to hang around me anyways.
3. If I can't make it, I'll try to re-schedule.
4. If you are going to cancel on me, let me know as soon as you know you can't do it. Otherwise, you are just being rude.

Ok. I'm done with my rant. Happy Monday!

2007-12-07T09:50:00.000-07:00

So I got new glasses the other day and as I glanced in the mirror, I realized that my glasses kinda make me look like Jeff Goldblum.

I swear when I bought them from Lenscrafters they looked cute, but now all I can think of is Jurassic Park.

Chiner vacations

2007-11-28T10:44:00.000-07:00

Most people don't go anywhere on vacation. If the world's population was represented by the people that work in my office it would go something like this:

Scrimp and save vacation days.

If you do take a vacation day, in no way whatsoever should you go anywhere. Just stay in the Springs and waste it on mundane chores, appointments, and to-do lists.

If you must go somewhere, you may only visit your family or extended family. This said family must live in mundane and boring states like Nebraska or Montana. Upon taking this type of vacation, you should at least get food poisioning from eating your great-aunt's jell-o salad, or take really dumb pictures so you can tell everyone about your boring vacation life.

In no way whatsoever should you:
a. lump all vacation days together
b. take more than your alloted vacation days in the form of unpaid vacation
c. Go somewhere cool
d. Go out of the country (because anywhere besides the U.S. is really scary *note the sarcasm*)

And of course I did all of the above and the general consensus of my co-workers was to freak out!

I got alot of "What!??! Where are you going? How long are you going to be gone? How much vacation do you have? Are you independently wealthy?" And of course the one I hate the most "Ah, I live vicariously through you!"

My response to most of this was "Yes, I'm a trust fund baby and I just work here to make my dad happy" And the funny thing was most people actually believed me.

The phrase "I live vicariously through you!" just plain creeps me out. Seriously, go and do something instead of just sitting at home watching TV and playing with your cats.

So I left for China for 3 weeks. I didn't think about work once. I got attacked by monkeys, lost (which happens alot to me), and a super sweet tan.

I took 8 flights, 3 train rides, 2 bus rides, numerous taxis and subways all in the matter of 21 days. And I loved it!

So if you are saving vacation days so you can run errands, please don't. Go somewhere fun!

Almost there....

2007-11-26T06:58:00.001-07:00

Yes. For many of you wondering I am still alive. Alot's gone on in the past 6 months, including a 3 week vacation to China. But I digress....

Once I came back from China, I got nominated for Business Development in Latin America. I was pretty exicted but I also know that the place could change from my nomination to placement.

So I had to complete additional paperwork for the Peace Corps. They send you a medical packet that has about a bazillion pages. So I went to the dentist, the doctor twice, and the eye doctor. I got a Polio, Flu, Typhoid vaccine and got poked 4 times for a bunch of different blood tests.

The paperwork was sent back on Tuesday and I'm dentally cleared. Whee...

And for all of you reading, welcome back, sorry for the boring post. =)

2007-07-20T17:19:00.000-06:00

Her face is a map of the world

Is a map of the world

You can see she's a beautiful girl

She's a beautiful girl

And everything around her is a silver pool of light

The people who surround her feel the benefit of it

It makes you calm

She holds you captivated in her palm

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)

This is what I wanna be

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)

Why the hell it means so much to me

Random Road Trips

2007-07-18T09:48:00.000-06:00

So I was driving back from Nebraska this weekend. And as I was driving I saw on the side of the road a $100k boat.

Abandoned.

Wha?!? Who would abandon a boat on the side of the road? Especially when it's freakin expensive.

So my devious mind began to plot on how to commit highway robbery. And then I realized my fatal flaw. I didn't have a hitch on the back of my SUV.

Curses! The one of many times that a hitch would have been useful. So dejected, I continued cruising at 85mph.

And then. I saw another boat. This boat was bigger and more beautiful than the last. Abandoned. It's not like the hitch had a flat tire or anything. And no one was standing near it, there were no cars. It was just there.

So I had the chance to steal two boats this weekend....if only I had a hitch.

p.s. I hit a deer too, but that's another story.

2007-07-09T10:47:00.000-06:00

Ok,

Just gonna throw this out there.

Illegal Immigration.

It a topic that I have been reading about lately. And while I'm still trying to figure out my views on the topic, I would like to know what you all think.

So.

Illegal Immigration..... your thoughts?

It's Not Rocket Science

2007-06-20T17:43:00.000-06:00

The other day my roommate and I decided to get rootbeer floats. Pretty easy right? Well I was soon to find out that the world operates otherwise.

We drove up to AWD/KFC and they were closed. We checked the time, it was 9:52. We checked the door. Yep. The door clearly stated that they closed at 10. I hate it when drive-thru's close early. It's a pet peeve of mine. But striving to be the ever optimist. I said, "Hey, let's go to Micky D's, they're never closed."

Against our better judgement we steeled our car towards those gorgeous golden arches that glowed against the moonlight. Yes... We were going to have our rootbeer floats.

As we cruised our car up to the window, we tentatively said, "I know you guys don't do this, but can we have a rootbeer float"

The fire back answer was "Nope, we can't do that"

Now for some reason, my brain jumped into work mode. The mode where there is no "can't" where usually you can come to some solution, no matter how cracked up and convuluted it is.

"Now wait a minute..." I said, "You do have coke right?"

"Yes...."

"And you do have Ice cream correct?"

"Yeah"

"Now why can't you combine the icecream and coke together???"

"We wouldn't know how to price it, we can't do it."

I know, McDonald's is not known for doing it your way. I think the only way is the machine way. But still. I had to persist.

"So you can't physically combine the coke and icecream, is that what you are telling me?"

"No, ma'm, we just can't"

So, we gave up. Ordered an ice cream coke, a coke and resolved to make it ourselves.

Seriously, it's not rocket science. It's just bad business. Now I could go off on a rant of how we don't empower people to make decisions (and maybe these people have never been empowered), but I won't. I won't talk or rail about how McDonald's lets their machines do all the decision making. I won't boycott the place, because honestly, I really do like the fact that they have those red boxes to rent a dvd from and they are open for my midnight big mac.

But seriously people, it's a rootbeer float.

So I did it....

2007-06-11T10:37:00.000-06:00

Well, at least I'm starting on it.

For those of you that don't know, I've been contemplating applying for the Peace Corps for a year. And yesterday I started the application.

My reasons are many and my explanations would probably take numerous posts. But the short end of it is that I have been blessed with so much and because of that I want to go and help others.

The timeline from application to leaving is about 6-9 months. So if I get accepted, I'm not leaving anytime soon.

Eek! This is a big step for me, but it's time.

Tyler Durgen would be proud.

Why I love Memorial Day

2007-05-29T10:55:00.000-06:00

* Biking down to Territory Days
* Seeing more than my fair share of mullets and interesting clothing combinations
* Determining that most people get hideous tattoos (What's up with that? It's permanent people, get something cool!)
* Turkey Legs
* "Homemade" Lemonade that was made with all natural Nutri-sweet
* Exploring the side roads where I live
* Drinking Old Fashions (Grind an orange slice and a cherry into sugar, add 1/3 bourbon, 1/3 soda water, a dash of bitters and throw some ice in it)... this might be my new summer drink- Thanks Jeremy!
* Curly potatoe fries
* listening to new age Native American music and determining that it's not my favourite genre. It's not even a top 100.
* Swinging on my hammock and not falling out.
* Road tripping through the void of Nebraska with a good friend and realizing that I left all my good cds in Colorado.
* Camping with my niece only to realize she snores.
* Eating fresh home-made rye bread.
* Having my mom hem my pants
* Washing my car with my dad and having a water fight.
* Biking a mile with my niece which took 2 hours.
* Picking wildflowers.
* Having those hard conversations, crying, and learning about myself in the process.

Ok. All of these things are priceless. I guess my life is like a MasterCard commercial afterall.

It's Official...

2007-05-22T10:00:00.000-06:00

I think I can now finally call myself a Coloradian.

Yes. I now have Colorado plates and GASP! I even sucked it up and went to the DMV (the place I detest most in the world) and got a driver's license.

I've gone skiing at Breck, Copper, Keystone, and Eldora

I've gone backpacking through a couple feet of snow to La Plata in May.

I've mountain biked through the fall aspens at the base of Mount Princeton.

I've kayaked at 11 mile reserviour.

I've climbed the Cactus Cliffs at Shelf Road.

I've hiked around Crested Butte in search of wildflowers.

I've snowshoed and stayed at a Yurt in the San De Cristo mountains.

Oh, and I've competed in cannon ball contests at the Punchbowls.

I've flipped over bikes,
fallen down mountains,
scrapped my knees,
made my fingers bleed.
I have scars.
I have bruises.
....

But I think I've finally arrived.

Looks like somebody has a case of the Mondays...

2007-05-14T10:50:00.000-06:00

Contrary to popular belief sometimes I do actually do work while I'm at work.

Just not today. Or yesterday.... or the day before that.

We moved our whole department to the basement and I sort of feel like Milton from Office Space mumbling about my red swingline stapler. I already do the TPS reports (seriously, they are) so I'm just waiting for my boss to come up to me and say

"Mmmm yeah..... I'm gonna need to you come in on Saturday...."

Moab!!!

2007-05-10T12:10:00.000-06:00

In 17 hours and 50 minutes I will be on my way....

That's right, Read it and weep

2007-05-02T10:26:00.000-06:00

I woke up this morning to rain.
I smiled.
And realized that it was going to be a beautiful day.

2007-04-26T11:19:00.001-06:00

I was talking to my friend Gwen last night and she said something that stuck out to me.

Girls like two things,
1. Learning something new every day
2. Twirling

And I have to admit that she's correct. I love learning or experiencing something new everyday. For example, to day I learned about the reasons for Bolivia's explosive hyperinflation in the 1980's. Yes... I am a dork. But I like learning about the why behind things.

As for the twirling...

There is just something about spinning around and around while letting the fabric of your dress float, swirl, twist and turn about you. It's mesmerizing. It's beautiful. And I love it. Maybe its because it brings back memories of me as a little girl playing princess in the fields behind our house. Or maybe it's because when you twirl, people watch you and admire.

And it's all the more better when there is someone to twirl you. I'm not going to be the emotional sap here, but as a girl, yes, it is nice.

That's it. That's all I had today.

--sorry-- I lied. I do have more to write about.

So here is my exteremly long interjection...

Let me recommend a cd to you all that is going to be permanently in my cd player.

Listen to it, love it, live it.

It's "Shiny Toy Guns" album by We are Pilots.

You know whenever you listen to a song and can completely relate to it? Like the song was just echoing what's in your mind? Well here's one of them for you. It's called "Don't Cry Out", But I would like to refer to it as "Jamie's Life from a Previous Time". Yeah, it's good. It's what I'm thinking, well kinda. It's hard to explain. So read the lyrics, enjoy, and know in an odd way that it's what I'm thinking.

Auggh.
Sorry. I usually keep my blog light and airy and enjoyable. And I also know that when I write something deep or something that I've been pondering that no one will post a comment- that's ok. I don't mind. Really I don't.

Alright, I'm done for now. More posts to come....

Don't Cry Out

I don't get you . .
I can't forget what you've forgotten
all along
I've never been so alone

Don't Cry Out
Cease Fire

I was pretending
Your secret kiss of confidence
Was my escape
The perfect game to play...

Don't Cry Out
Cease Fire

Ten nine eight and I'm breaking away
I'm all dressed up and I'm ready to play
Seven six five four and I'm all over you
Counting three two one and I'm having fun...

Your fascination
With naked walls of silk and skin
With no conditions
I needed you to notice....
That’s all I wanted

Don't Cry Out
Cease Fire

Ten nine eight and I'm breaking away
I'm all dressed up and I'm ready to play
Seven six five four and I'm all over you
Counting three two one and I'm having fun...

"So it looks like the Chicken Pox..."

2007-04-17T09:18:00.000-06:00

Someone said to me as they glanced at the tiny red welts covering my arm. And looking at my arms, stomach, legs, and probably my back, sigh...., yes. It does look like I have the chicken pox.

I mean most people get them when they are in kindergarten from the slightly chubby girl named Susie. Or when their parents decide to have a "slumber party" with the sick and slightly spotted kid from Sunday School.

So I could break out the Calamine lotion and look like I took a bath in Pepto-bismol.

Or I could take the more obvious approach.

Which would be to observe that these red bumps covering my body are actually welts. And that they only appeared after a trip to see a friend in Fort Collins. And that throughout the entire time we were at Ft. Collins we were having airsoft wars. (which I have to interject here and highly recommend that everyone go out to your local Wal-mart and buy an airsoft gun. You won't be disappointed. I know I'm not)

So to Cactus, Todd, Zack, and Todd's various roommates- Thanks for the welts. They'll be with me for a while.

2007-04-12T22:32:00.000-06:00

Please.... Please let it snow.

I want tomorrow to be my Friday/Saturday.

Please??

Just a flake or two, or two million. I don't care.

Just close down the interstate and leave motorists stranded on the road.

Me?? I'd rather snuggle in a blanket and drink hot cocoa with just a little kick to it.

clouds crashing into one another

2007-04-10T15:45:00.000-06:00

A prayer for the searching...

Desperate for changing

Starving for Truth

I'm closer to where I started

Chasing after you.

It's Pat....

2007-04-03T12:25:00.000-06:00

background music: "Bell Bottom Blues" by Derek and the Dominos

Is it a she or a he?

That's the basic arguement that my co-workers and I have been having about another co-worker that works in a different department. We'll call that co-worker "Pat". Pat looks like a man, but she/me has a big butt... The type of butt a girl has. Pat's hair is cut short, in a uni-sex cut and Pat doesn't wear any makeup. There's no adam's apple on Pat, but no boobs either. So most of us at the office are left scratching our heads still determing in the lunch room what this person is. I mean really, if people are debating about your sex, you know that there is a problem. So for all of you that don't want to be that Pat, here is some suggestions for you.

a. Don't have a uni-sex haircut. If you are a guy, have it look mann-ish. If you are a girl, wear it longer. If you insist on wearing it short, have it look semi-feminine. Or at least wear earrings.

b. Wear distinguishable clothing. I mean, anyone can wear a button down shirt and khakis with leather shoes. So if you are a girl, wear at least a tailored button down that shows you have curves.

2007-03-20T09:37:00.000-06:00

My family came into town this weekend.

It's funny how you generally forget the little things that make you laugh or really just annoy you.

* Like how my sister is a vegetarian only at the most inconvenient times.
* Or how my 5 year old niece likes to cheat in Old Maid, stacking the cards so the other person will always get the Old Maid.
* Or how my dad gives me dating advice.....Awkward
* And also how my mom usually ends up crying when we say goodbye.
* How my brother loves to push me as hard as possible on the ski slopes and also conveniently/accidentally leaves his wallet at home.
* How my sister and I started making french toast, and then ended up talking, bonding, and crying
* How my mom was going to be in the yarn shop for 15 minutes... two hours later, she finally left
* How my family went up to Cripple Creek for a mine tour, only to find out that the last tour of the day was already going on.
*Then driving down the mountain only to have my entire family get car sick.

Fun times with the Konecny's, seriously, I should write a book about it

Where is my mind

2007-03-13T10:07:00.000-06:00

Background music: 1979 by Smashing Pumpkins.

It's 10:08 am. I've been at work for approximately 1 hour and 8 minutes. So I guess that means I only have 7 hours and 52 minutes to go.

And the problem is, I have no work. I mean I can troll people's inboxes and do their work for them, but honestly I just don't feel like it. So I'll sit, blankly stare at my computer for 15 minutes, obsessively check my email, and then take a break. (Because damn, doing nothing is hard work) Uggh. My life is seriously starting to look like Office Space.

It's so gorgeous outside. Maybe I can get a tan at lunch.

One o'clock here I come.

Whee...

2007-03-09T17:42:00.000-07:00

Guagh!!

2007-02-28T12:09:00.000-07:00

I miss riding Gary.... my mountain bike.

See he's a Gary Fisher and so what better name for a bike? Anyways. Spring is starting to appear. And yet Gary sits in the garage. Un-used and un-loved. I tried explaining to him that at the moment we just aren't right for eachother. That the weather seems to get in the way of our time together. But I don't think he understands.

And so he sits in my friends garage. (I know, not even my garage) Waiting for the day for me to pick him up, go to the mountains and have fun.

Blast this artic freeze weather!!!! because right now all I want to do is to go and ride.

Now why is this news?!?

2007-02-23T12:16:00.000-07:00

Anna Nicole Smith died. And Fox news, CNN and pretty much any other new organizations have been covering it non-stop. It's on the news during lunch, it's even on while I'm at the gym burning off my 500 calories.

News? Really? Are you kidding me? I mean who really cares? Did she do anything to contribute to society? No, I don't think so.

So why are we devoting so much time to this? I think it says something about our society and the people we worship. We admire and worship people that are nice to look at but are generally selfish. They don't have to make the world a better place, they just have to prove that they are better than anyone else.

Sad. Why are we so devoted to beautiful looking people?

P.S. The Italian Prime Minister resigned. For some reason the news gods deemed this un-newsworthy.... Who knows why. .. I'm switching to the BBC.

Sick

2007-02-21T12:40:00.000-07:00

I've been sick for the past two days....

It's the stomach, runny nose, and the groggy head sickness.

And yes, I'm at work right now.

I'm not sick enough to go home, just sick enough to not feel good. And really why should I waste a perfectly good sick day when I am not completely sick enough?

So for the past couple of days I've been existing on ricecakes and soup...Which believe it or not is quite satisfying. In fact, it would probably make an amazing diet that I could patent. I would call it "Liquid Rice 3000" (because everything sounds better with a couple of digits after it)
Ok, so your sodium intake would blow through the roof....But you could lose weight. And that's what everyone is about, Right?

Uggh.....
I want to go puke now.

I love you Jimmy Choo

2007-02-13T12:51:00.000-07:00

So something happened to me last week that I think most people can relate to.

I was sitting at my computer doing work, my brain practically turning to mush. So I decided to take a break, stretch my legs and go to the bathroom. You know when your mind is kind of on autopilot? Where you walk to the bathroom and walk into a stall without thinking about it?

Well I did that....

And as I sat on the toilet I happened to glance at the person's shoes in the stall next to me.

The person's shoes were brown, leather and suspiciously mannish....

Oh crap!! I'm in the men's bathroom.

A quick mental calculation and I realized I have no clue how I went to the wrong bathroom.

Was I on crack? I must have been.

But then I glanced to the right on the stall door and saw the sanitary napkin box.
And a quick glance through the stall door showed the tampon dispenser.

So...... I had to have been in the women's bathroom.

Now who was that person next to me? Was it a guy?

Cause wow.....that would have been funny.
So I exit the stall and wait by the sink to see who would emerge.

And it was A GIRL!!!

What kind of girl wears man shoes when you can wear perfectly good stilletos?!?!?!?

Ah, Jimmy Choo.... I love you.

A Self-Proclaimed Enviromentalist

2007-02-05T11:17:00.000-07:00

The other day I was sifting through some old papers and I came across a Sierra Club bumper sticker. And I'm currently contemplating placing on my SUV.

Yes, I know. Placing a Sierra Club sticker on an SUV....I think that's a semi-oxymoron.

You see, I like the enviroment, I really do. I just think sometimes it's too much of a hassle to do anything about it. Now before you all think that I burn down the amazon in my freetime, let me explain myself.

I hate wasting electricity, water, pollution, deforestation, the extinction of endangered species and all that.

And these are the following reasons why:

I think I realized how wasteful I am went I went on a backpacking trip last weekend. We boiled snow for water and used it as both our drinking water and for washing our dishes. When I think of all the time it took to convert snow to drinking water, I realized how much I waste water and don't even care.

I leave the water running when I brush my teeth, my toilet is constantly running water because a lever is broken (I'm thinking of fixing it, or at least jiggling the handle...but on second thought that would mean that I would have to get up and actually do something) and, I take extremely long showers. Yep, I'm a water waster.

Regarding wasting electricity... It bothers me when people leave lights on all over the house. Call it a pet peeve of mine. The reason it bothers me so much is because I know that my electricity bill will be sky high the following month. So in the end, I'm not about energy conservation, I'm for a lower electric bill.

I'm for recycling. I just don't do it.
I used to recycle all the time in highschool. I had the bins, I had a plan. And the plan worked for a long time. I recycled aluminum cans, newspapers, milk jugs, laundry detergent jugs, and even tins cans and glass. Wow! I was on a role. The only problem was that the recycle man came around once in a blue moon. So we had a whole garage full of stinking recycable things. After a couple of months, my dad curtailed my enviromental ambitions and took it all to the junkyard. Sigh.

And now, I am without bins and without a plan. I should do something about this.

So really I am a self-proclaimed enviromentalist. I just don't do anything about it.

Should I return my Sierra club card now?

An Awkward Conversation

2007-01-24T11:05:00.000-07:00

She came over and settled down into the couch next to me. For a while, we ambled over comfortable subjects and revisited topics that we had hashed out long ago. Then she mentioned an acquaintance that I had met when I first moved to the Springs.

"Remember Nate?"

"Yeah, he was one of Teddy's friends right? Glasses, dark brown hair..."

"Yeah, that's him. Well...," There was a long pause as she shifted uncomfortably, "He died Jamie, about 2 weeks ago."

I swallowed hard and hurriedly looked away. What do you say when you knew someone only as an acquaintance? The last time I saw him was at church and even then I had a hard time placing his face with some other place else that I knew well.

"How?"

She sighed. "It was suicide"

Multiple questions flooded my brain. "Was there a note? Was he depressed? When was the funeral? How does Teddy feel?"

But for some reason I couldn't ask any of them. The questions ran from my brain and trickled into my heart.

Whenever people die, it's a shock, a suprise. It feels as if they are suddenly snatched away and there's nothing we can do to stop it.

But suicide's different. The person chooses to end their life. And while it's a shock and suprise to those around the victim, there's also an overwhelming sense of guilt.

A sense of guilt that in some possible way we could have done something to stop it.

I didn't know Nate well, but the guilt is still there.

Old Soul Song

2007-01-19T11:41:00.000-07:00

A poem from my past, be inspired ya'll.
..

I want to build
a wall around me,
so no one can look
if they really don't want to see
me

To creatively borrow a quote from my friend Grace,

"Sometimes we put up walls. Not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to knock them down."

Me talk pretty one day

2007-01-13T11:59:00.000-07:00

I realized yesterday I can't talk. I guess speaking English is not my forte anymore.

Yesterday I called my boss to tell her I was going to be late because there was this bad car accident on the enterance ramp. So I proceed to tell her that I just got on the Interstate at "U-nit-tah".....

For those of you that don't live in Colorado, it's pronounced "Yoo-in-tah"

Totally mis-pronouncing Unitah like a misplaced Texan is a cardinal sin.

My boss completely cracked up and when I showed up at work, everyone made fun of me for the rest of the day.

Which brings me to English lesson number 2:
Make sure you use the correct word in a sentance.

I was at work the other day completely starving. So I said to my co-workers, "I'm so hungry, I feel emancipated!!"

I'm sure being hungry might lead to someone becoming free. But in the end emancipated and emaciated are not the same.

I'll learn English one of these days. I guess today's just not my day.

.... And tommorrow's not looking to good either.

Knowledge is power

2007-01-10T11:46:00.000-07:00

Wal-Mart is the nation's largest private energy user. Each of the discount giant's 2,074 supercenters uses an average of 1.5 million kilowatt-hours per year; combined, that's enough to power Chile.

2007-01-05T17:38:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how one single smell can bring back a flood of memories.

Yesterday, I bought some new shampoo and as a proceeded to use it in the shower, it had this particular smell to it.

And the smell transported me to Spring of 2004 when I was staying in Manchester with a Welsh family. I stayed in a green room that was decorated with fresh daffodils, drank horlicks (it tastes like warm malted milk), watched Bridgit's Jones Diary, was quizzed endlessly about facts on the state capital of Nebraska, played with a cat, learned to play piano from tab, visited various public schools, went white water rafting in wales, celebrated mum's day, explored an old barn and still, did a high ropes course, saw a soap show being filmed, and lost numerous games of cards.

Those memories came flooding back from just one smell.

Odd, and yet so comforting....

Ah Cheadle Hume. How I miss you.

Go

2007-01-03T17:31:00.000-07:00

Someone once said:

One can't forever stand on the shore. At some point, filled with indecision, skepticism, reservation and doubt, you either jump in or concede that life is forever elsewhere.

2006-12-25T17:39:00.000-07:00

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas Tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is ....

Well I just don't know.
I wish I did, but I don't.

Do any of you out there in blogland have any idea what I could want for Christmas?

Green Eggs and Ham

2006-12-15T13:30:00.000-07:00

I do not like them in a box.
I do not like them with a fox.
I do not like them in a house.
I do not like them with a mouse.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Anyone remember this Story???

Well, as some of you poignantly remember a couple of months back, I had this ham in my fridge. It was a good honey roasted ham smothered in orange demi-glaze sauce. I served it at a dinner party for Easter for 30 of my good friends. The only problem was that we didn't finish the ham.

So there is sat in my fridge for a couple of days....

The days moved on to weeks....

Which then dragged into months....

Yes, I know. Months.

So I'm sure you guys are wondering "Jamie, why didn't you just throw the ham away?" Well. I'm not sure. At the beginning I was just lazy and then in the later months, it became a sort of comfort image to know that I could go home, open my fridge and see my ham.

Needless to say, two of my close friends eventually confronted me with the moldy ham. And due to an intervention, they threw it down the garbage shoot.

Fast forward to oh, let's say a week ago.

I made an egg casserole for work. And my co-workers didn't finish it. So I carried the casserole back to my car.

I kinda forgot about it. I mean it was sitting on the floor of my car and covered with a towel. So yesterday as I got in my freezing cold car, I put the heat on full blast.

Remember the degenerating eggs on the front passenger floor?

Well, let's just say gagging ensued. And I spent the rest of my 20 minute drive to work and the 30 minute drive back without heat.

So, you will all be proud to know that I threw the green eggs away... All by myself.

Surrender

2006-12-07T17:28:00.000-07:00

to yield (something) to the possession or power of another; deliver up possession of on demand or under duress....

I don't know why most Christian songs sing about how sweet it is. It's not sweet at all. In fact, it sucks. You are giving up something under duress or at least not giving it up of your own volition.

Think about generals surrendering in war. Did they really want to do it? No, but they had to because it was between either that and death.

It's a struggle.

It's not fun.

It's not sweet.

It's not great.

But it is needed at times.... When it's either that or death.

Top reasons why I love Colorado

2006-12-01T12:41:00.000-07:00

A cuppa Joe

2006-11-28T14:10:00.000-07:00

Today as I looked out the window at work, the fog rolled down the mountain and swirled around the Springs. It wound around the trees and seemed to dance around the twinkling Christmas lights.

Tonight I am going to be surrounded by wonderful women. And though we have only known eachother for a couple of months from summer camp, being around them feels like home. Perhaps a spiritual home. The first night I came, I felt not only acceptance, but also love. The type of love that surrounds and hugs you like a warm blanket. I like that feeling.

And so I brave out into the icy cold to grab a cup of java and to talk about love.

The Stranger Next to Me

2006-11-21T13:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I flew back home after going on vacation and I have a confession to make....

Whenever I'm waiting for the flight, I always scope out my fellow passengers.

And try to find the hottest guy.

Secretely I wish they would sit next to me in 28D. And suprise, suprise, they never do. They sit next to Miss America over in 11F.

I guess I should have realized that this pattern will always repeat itself. And yesterday was no different. I scoped out the hottie going to Denver. He sat next to Miss America, and I got to sit next to some random 55 year old from Ft. Collins.

Now, I'm not knocking on the older males from Ft Collins. It's just that we have absolutely nothing in common (other than the fact that we both thought it would be smarter to fly than drive to San Antonio.... but really that's a no-brainer)

So I'm sitting next to Mr. No-personality and I feel obligated to start a conversation with him. I did make the attempt, and you can generally determine within 5 minutes of meeting someone whether you will have stuff to talk about. And we didn't.

So with another hour and 35 minutes, I watched some random TV.

My point is to this random babbling is, why do we talk to the stranger beside us? I knew that the probability of me running into this guy again was about .000056%, and yet still I felt a need to have a somewhat ackward coversation with him.

I guess that's just the way the crow flys.

From the quiteness of the trading desk....

2006-11-16T14:45:00.000-07:00

Today I have been doing alot of thinking about my life, my future and my dreams. This is something I journaled about a couple of days ago and I thought you all would like to know.... Or not know. I really don't care. This is me and this is where I am.

Dreams? Wow. I haven't thought about that in a long time. To be honest, I'm right in the process of giving up a dream/hope that I have had for so long. Probably so long that I can almost taste it.

But I think I've almost turned that dream into a god of sorts. I think about it constantly and wonder how it would ever evolve.

The dream in and of itself is not a bad thing. It's the worship of the dream that is. And I guess that's partly why I need to give up the dream, give up the hope and give it over to You.

Maybe my dream will never take place. But I nee to be secure to know that if it doesn't then You have bigger and better dreams than I have.

To you O Lord....

2006-11-13T09:17:00.000-07:00

Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog
Where no one notices the contrast of white on white
And in between the moon and you the angels get a better view
Of the crumbling difference between wrong and right...

My Hat

2006-11-11T23:17:00.000-07:00

I got a hat today and here is my haiku about it:

My Hat is way cool
It keepeth warm the dome piece
Reverberating

Haikus are so nice
but sometimes they don't make sense
Refigerator

Crested Butte

2006-11-04T21:12:00.000-07:00

So I finally decided to figure out how to add pictures. Here are some pics from the trip to the Wildflower Festival in Crested Butte. It was a fun and much needed break.

My friend Gwen taught me the fine art of eating oatmeal out of the packet. It's a fine balance of adding boiling hot water to a paper packet while trying not to give yourself third degree burns.

We ended up staying at a campsite called O Be Joyful. To get to the site we took a Suburu over this stream. I guess that's what suv's are made for....

The girls were awesome, the time was awesome, but the best part was the view.....

And the campfire.....

It's beginning to look like Christmas

2006-11-03T09:41:00.000-07:00

And it really shouldn't.

Because according to the rules of decorating for Christmas, it shouldn't officially begin until noon on Thanksgiving day. I'm pretty sure that's the earliest that you could technically put up the lights, the tree and everything else.

At my parents house, we don't put up the lights, garlands and tree until the day after Thanksgiving. On that glorious Friday, we all wake up early (meaning my sister drags us out of bed)and hit the shops at 6 in the morning. After that we decorate the tree and generally argue on what to do with the garland. We argue about it every year so I guess it's pretty much tradition now.

Anyways, back to my point. We shouldn't be decorating for Christmas...yet.

What I hate

2006-10-31T12:19:00.000-07:00

Daylight Savings Time.

I mean, come on. Is it really necessary? I mean who likes to get off work and have it be pitch black outside? I for one do not.

So, it lieu of my hatred for Daylight Savings Time....

I've decided to boycott it. That's right my friends. I will act as if the time change never happened. I might show up an hour early for everything, but at least when I get off of work it will still be light out.

Cause that's how I roll.

...

2006-10-27T09:22:00.000-06:00

I ran across this song a couple of days ago and when I read the lyrics I thought it was pretty relevant not only for our society, but also for myself at times. I think mostly it's because we want to use people for our gain, satisfaction or pleasure. And I don't know if we really care about the other people around us. If you honestly asked most people in relationships what they enjoy about it, they might list off the different qualities about the other person, but then they would also list how that person fulfills certain aspectations. What is it about us that causes us to be so selfish and focus solely on our own needs, wants, or desires?

I want a lover I don't have to love
I picked you out of a crowd and talked to you
I said I liked your shoes
You said, "Thanks, can I follow you?"
So it's up the stairs and out of view
No prying eyes
I poured some wine
I asked your name, you asked the time

Now it's two o'clock
The club is closed
We're up the block
Your hands on me; Pressing hard against your jeans
Your tongue in my mouth, trying to keep the words from coming out
You didn't care to know who else may have been here before

I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a girl who's too sad to give a f*ck
Where's the kid with the chemicals?
I thought he said to meet him here but I'm not sure
I've got the money if you've got the time
You said it feels good
I said, "I'll give a try."

Then my mind went dark
We both forgot where your car was parked
Let's just take the train
I'll meet up with the band in the morning

Bad actors with bad habits
Some sad singers they just play tragic
And the phone's ringing and the van's leaving
Let's just keep touching; let's just keep... keep singing...

I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk
Where's the kid with the chemicals?
I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full
I need some meaning I can memorise
The kind I have always seems to slip my mind

But you, but you...

You write such pretty words
But life's no storybook
Love's an excuse to get hurt
And to hurt.
Do you like to hurt?
I do, I do

Then hurt me...

I went to a concert on Tuesday

2006-10-20T12:39:00.000-06:00

And ended up in a hot tub.

It's kinda funny how life ends up. One moment you are you on your way to a rockin' concert in Boulder and the next moment you are sitting in a warm pool while snow is falling on your hair.

Tuesday five of us planned on going to Boulder to see Mat Kearney and Griffen House play at the infamous Fox Theater. However, the weather deemed that we would not make it there. The first snow of the season came that day and dropped about a foot or a foot and a half of white goodness around our fair city. On the interstate we went from Woodman to Baptist road, a ride which would take about 10-15 minutes on a normal day, took 45 minutes.

I think all the cars in Colorado Springs that didn't have 4 wheel drive decided that day to start cruising and joy riding the streets. Because about 50% of the cars I saw that night were in the ditch.

Anyways, one of my friend's parents happened to live up north and had a hot tub. We ended up hot-tubing for the rest of the night under the stars and the snow.

What a nice diversion

I had a dream....

2006-10-16T21:41:00.000-06:00

I had a dream last night that I was riding 50 cc motorcycles with my friend Jev. For some reason we had carts beind our motorcyles full of cardboard and we were racing eachother. I don't know who won because I woke up before the race was finished. I know, random dream.

In real life...
On Friday I went to the liquor store to buy some drinks. And there was this chick that was on crack. It was somewhat sad and pitiful. She was itching her arms, talking a mile a minute and pretty much stumbling or falling into anything in her path. It so easy to judge, but it's probably better to realize given the circumstances I would probably be the one on crack.

Sunshine through the rain...

2006-10-05T17:43:00.000-06:00

I often don't tell others how I'm truely feeling or what I really think. Maybe it's because if people know more about me and can see all of me they won't like me. So, I decided that while this blog won't completely expose the deepest depths of my soul, it should somewhat convey my thoughts and feelings toward things.

Sunshine....

Some people are the sunshine in our lives. They are the people that when caller id pops up on the phone, instead of sighing and thinking "I really don't want to talk to them, but I should", we silently celebrate and can't wait to hear their voice. When you leave their presence or finish a conversation with them, you leave with a greater sense that life is indeed good.

Their sunshine spills out through their hugs, coffee times, trips to McDonalds, random dance parties, walks around the loop, spontaneous trips to the local movie theater, late night rain runs and sometimes club-club. =)

Let's be honest, sometimes life sucks. It doesn't always go the way we thought or planned it to go. Everyone one goes through these times...

I hope I can be the sunshine in other's lives when they are going through the rain.

"Remember, we're saving our sugar calories so we can have a lollipop tonight"

2006-09-29T11:05:00.000-06:00

Yeah, that's what I overheard a mom saying to her 4 year old son while I was waiting in line for my venti mocha. The kid wasn't fat or anyting. In fact, he looked normal. What kind of mom says that to their kid?!?

I've been sort of lazy and lax by not posting anything. (Ok, so I ran out of childhood memories...)

Last night I went up to Ft Collins to see some bands after work.

It was great and I totally felt like a kid who sneaks out on a school night. Lotus was good, the hippies danced in their trance-like state and my friends and I interrogated eachother with great questions like, "Out of these 3 people... who would you kill, who would you screw, and who would you marry." I think I dug myself into a hole on that one... And then I drove back to the Springs at 12:40 am.

Unfortunately, as many of you were wishing I didn't hook up with a hippie while I was there.

Lucky Number Se7en

2006-09-14T21:19:00.000-06:00

7. Lying about my birthday

I think at one time or another we've wished our birthday was right around the corner. In my case I was four and I decided that instead of my birthday occuring in January, it was going to be today!

I was playing in the driveway and the next door neighbor girls came over to play... And I told them that it was my birthday. They were suprised and promptly left. I didn't think anything about it, somewhat forgot about it and kept playing with my brother. The girls came back about an hour later and they brought all sorts of gifts with them.

I got a bag with a goldfish and a paperbag full of used makeup. I thought I had hit a goldmine and was pretty happy that I decided that today was my birthday. Anyway, my mom found out and made me apologize and return the makeup. I was kinda bummed out.

I got to keep the goldfish though.

Ocho

2006-09-14T21:09:00.000-06:00

Playing Knights and Princesses

Yes, contrary to popular belief, I did like playing dress up and being rescued by knights in shining armor. But usually the knight ended up being my one of my childhood friends and there was no armor to be seen.

I remember around the age of seven playing in a barn loft. Those areas somewhat convey a magical scene. Maybe it was the hay in the loft with the rope swing hanging from the rafters... or maybe it was the chance that at any moment the rotten boards would crumble and I would fall to my untimely death. Either way I loved it.

And in the barn loft we would play knights and princesses. Most of the time my sister, Melody or I pretended that we were locked up by a witch or held capitive by an evil dragon. And my brother, Robert or Micah would slay the dragon, curse the witch and free us from that evil spell. We would then thank the knight profusely and claim our undying love to the hero.

Yeah, I was 7 and it was a little cheesy.

But to be honest, I still like being rescued.

Number 9

2006-09-12T13:47:00.000-06:00

Almost Drowning in my cousin's pool

I was five and visiting the cousins I didn't know existed in Florida. My cousins are a good 5-8 years older than me and invited me to go swimming with them in the backyard. I thought it was awesome and wished my parents had thought of putting a pool in our yard. Before I got in, my cousin gave me a great tip. She said "If you think you're drowning, just put your hand up in the air"

So I jump in the pool....on the deep end.

And I definately could not swim like a fish. In fact, I started to sink like a stone.

So I followed my cousin's advice and threw my hand up in the air... And somehow I didn't start floating or swimming at all. I was a little shocked that her wonderful idea didn't work.

So there I was, my hand was up and I was going down.

Eventually someone saved me. I think it was my dad. Thanks Dad!

Top 10 Childhood Experiences

2006-09-12T13:26:00.000-06:00

Yeah, we've all lived through childhood so I thought I would post my top 10 list of those years.

10. Getting a doll for my birthday

I was nine years old and what I really wanted was a horse. I wasn't picky, it just had to be a horse. My best friend Mimi at the time got a horse for her birthday. (Which just guaranteed that I would get one too, right?)

So on the eve of my b-day I had a slumber party with Mimi and we spent practically the whole night determining my horses name and exactly how suprised I should act when I recieved the horse. January 25 rolls around, I jump out of bed and run outside to greet my new friend.

And there was nothing out there.

Later at breakfast my parents gave me an American Girls doll. I don't think I ever really played with it once.

Cause let's face it, a doll pales in comparison to a horse.

pic

2006-09-09T23:06:00.000-06:00

Being Willing to Learn

2006-09-05T22:50:00.000-06:00

There are two types of people in the world: The eternal students who learn just to learn and to earn degree after degree... going after God knows what. Then you have the other half who must learn to expand their my knowledge of something. (I suppose there is a third category of people who just don't want to learn anything...ever)

They seem to be different, but I think the second one causes you to admit that "Yes, I don't know something". And that can be a humbling experience.
Lately I have been doing this alot, admitting that I don't know all the answers, that I don't know how to do everything. It's hard. And sometimes I'd rather not go through the process of learning something.

When I start something new it's exciting...somewhat. And then I hit the curve, where stuff hits the fan and I realize that I either have to suck it up, try harder possibly experiencing failure or just give up.

So, do I really want to learn, to be willing to try and perhaps exceed or fail? Or do I want to just be comfortable, not willing to learn nor admit my shortcomings?

I guess time will tell....

I'm training to become a cage fighter

2006-09-01T14:02:00.000-06:00

....but then again, who isn't these days.

Everyday as I walk into work I see that glorious card stating "I'm training to become a cage fighter" with a picture of Kip from Napolean Dynamite.

hmmm...

I guess that would mean that I would need to buy some stretchy pants, and add about 200 pounds. Yep, I could do that.

I guess it's just one of those days

2006-08-29T13:50:00.000-06:00

You know the kind,
It's the day that drags on forever.
It's the 1/2 lunch that really was only 10 minutes.
It's walking to the bathroom and finding the large yellow sign with a hand on the front stating "Geschlossen". I'm not German, but I think that means closed, which also means I have to walk down another flight of stairs to pee.
It's driving late to work in the fast lane of the interstate going 30 miles an hour because the guy from Texas in front of me is lost...

But on the brighter side, our boss bought us a bunch of sunflower seeds, which in my department is the currency equivalent of liquid crack on the streets. And it causes us to act as happy as a fat kid in a candy store.

As I sit in my lovely cubicle waiting for trades to come in, I'm just staring out at the mountains and wishing that I could be there. I don't mind my job, I just don't want to be here.